Tell Her You Love Her
In
a marriage or any intimate relationship, silence is not golden. The strong silent type need not apply for the
position of husband, lover, best friend, confidante, caregiver, and supporter
of a woman with breast cancer. Your
bride, your wife, your partner needs and wants to hear from you. Actions may speak louder than words, and you
may take all the right actions, but speaking words brings comfort, reassurance,
and knowledge of your inner feelings.
She cannot read your mind. Being
there for her is more than physical or economic security. Words have meaning. And the three most important words in the
English language at this time, at this moment, when together you face her
mortality, are: “I love you.”
The
late Louise Crisafi, a saint here on Earth, always giving of herself for others
in need, taught me this lesson on the Friday Shirley had her biopsy and was
diagnosed, having opted for what was then a new two-step process. This meant we
knew on Friday that she would have a mastectomy on Monday, a weekend together,
scared, anxious, frightened. For
Shirley, confronting death and permanent loss of part of her womanhood. For me, just at a loss and floundering, not knowing
what to do or what to say.
Louise
was an American Cancer Society Reach to
Recovery volunteer, as well as a YWCA Encore
volunteer leader, devoted to helping other women facing breast cancer
diagnosis and treatment. She was a good
friend and confidante. When I asked
Louise what to do feeling as helpless and overwhelmed as I was, she said
simply: “Tell her you love her.” I was
off to the races. I spent the weekend
saying those magic, powerful words over and over, as frequently as possible,
perhaps more than I had done in weeks, months or years previously.
A
year or so later in a television talk show featuring three women with breast
cancer, including Louise, Shirley reminisced about how verbal I had become that
fateful first weekend. Those words
brought comfort and made a difference.
Say “I love you.” It works. And I hope I do so as much or more today.
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