She knows best

Follow Her Lead

Your partner, your bride, knows how she can best deal with her breast cancer.  In Shirley’s case, she opted for minimal information from day one.  She chose to rely on Dick Hollister and Joe Murphy to let her know how she was doing in the simplest of terms.  Good or bad blood count, for example, not the numbers, not analysis.

There is no “right” way or “wrong” way.  It is her way, her journey, her path. Some patients with cancer try to become oncologists in a heartbeat, reading, reading, and reading more medical literature.  Seeking out more and more information, perhaps seeking second, third, and fourth opinions.  Others may rely on their physician, a man or woman dedicated to healing and life, to be their coach and guide them through the process.  Whatever path you choose is the right path for you.

Shirley was the Joe Friday of cancer patients, asking for the facts, nothing but the facts.  And keep it short and simple.  Shirley did not feel a need to hear or be given all the numbers from her ongoing testing, retesting, and testing again.  She chose to rely on her physicians, particularly Dick and Phil and their staff, to keep her current with the simplest of terms.  Was a blood count good or bad, for example?  She did not need or want to hear the numbers.  She did not want to analyze her situation.  We knew, she knew, that she was “playing for all the marbles,” so the outcome was critical, not the steps in the process of survival.

Other women may opt to become overnight medical students or aspiring physicians, trying to learn in an instant what a physician has studied and absorbed over eight years or more.  For Shirley and for me, despite my being a clinical social worker and a “health care professional,” simple was best.  A sound physician-patient relationship is built on mutual respect and trust.  It enhances your healing.  Trust the coach and run the play.