Ask and it shall be given

Say “Yes” to Help

We all know the classic joke about Moses and the tribes of Israel wandering for 40 years in the desert after their miraculous escape from bondage in Egypt.  It took 40 long years to reach the land of milk and honey, the Promised Land.  And why, why did it take so long?  Moses was a man.  He refused to ask for directions.  Ten Commandments, maybe; asking for help, never.

If you’re married or even dated a man for any length of time, you’ve spent time in a car lost.  You suggest, perhaps timidly and quietly, that it might be a good idea to stop and ask for directions.  He is offended.  He, after all, is a man.  He has a good, no, a great sense of direction.  That will become apparent to you, a mere woman with no sense of direction, momentarily.  The moments tick by.  He is becoming exasperated.  Finally, in disgust, he pulls into a gas station and asks for help.  It pains him to do so.

Louise Crisafi taught me to accept help when I asked her what to do knowing that Shirley and I were facing her cancer together, a cancer we had little hope of beating.  Her advice was powerful, wise, and insightful.  When someone, anyone, asks if they can do anything to help, just say: “Yes.”  Friends, neighbors, colleagues and others want to be there for you and for themselves.  I know, I know.  You’re a man and never ask for help, not even simple directions.  Understand that the people asking to help need your “Yes” as much as you.  It gives them some sense of being able to do something positive about this insidious disease that seems beyond their control.  They want to do something, anything.

Shirley and I were blessed.  We did not have to cook a meal for 3-4 months following her 1982 surgery thanks to the chicken dishes, casseroles, lasagnas and other assorted goodies constantly flowing to our front door.  Need a brief childcare stint for our daughter, Alison? It would be there.   

Thank you in particular First Congregational Church in Old Greenwich.  You are a healing church.  Thank you special Friends of Bill, particularly Betsy, a mentor and counselor, who together taught me I could get through anything, even this. You were and are true friends to the present day.  Your love, prayers and support made a difference for all three members of our family.  You got us through both of these cancers and life’s travails one day at a time.

Bottom line? Ask for help. Accept help. Say “yes” when it’s offered.  You’ll be better for it and so will those seeking to be of service.