Help With Your Child or Children
Shirley
and I have been blessed with one child, our daughter, Alison, who was three
years old when we started Shirley’s treatment.
Dick Hollister, her oncologist, gave us a choice following her surgery:
the option of having more children or aggressive treatment that might save Shirley’s life, a long shot
at best, but a remote possibility. Our joint
decision, our opting for her life, took a nanosecond.
Raising
Alison, being her mother, was Shirley’s passionate mission. It was her reason for living and surviving,
for beating her cancer. Her only major
regret or concern was whether she would live to see Alison grow up, become a
woman, pursue her dreams, find love, marry, and, God willing, make her a grand-mother. There is simply no joy comparable to being a
parent, whether a mother or a father. No
happiness is greater than being with your child and experiencing their
growth.
Shirley
was an accomplished, talented elementary school teacher. She might have sought full time employment,
but cancer changed her course and our course.
She worked part-time instead in elementary school and early childhood
education in order to enable her to be home for Alison. She was for all intents and purposes a
full-time Mom, the noblest and most difficult of career choices. It was and is a difficult economic squeeze
that allowed Shirley to live her passion and be a real Mom. If you meet Alison today, you’ll know she
made the right choice.
Your
children need both of you. Depending on
their age, they may or may not really understand what is happening, or share
your anxiety and fears. They will know
that something is amiss. They need you
both. And she will need you to take over
more and more as chemotherapy or radiation take their toll, making her tired
and sick, taking away her energy and leaving her in need of rest.
She
is a warrior doing battle. To win
ultimate victory, let her husband
(what a marvelous word) her strength and resources. She will do what she can. She will want to be involved. But you need to step in seamlessly when she
needs down time. Can you give a greater
gift?
And
our joyous update is that Shirley and I together walked Alison down the aisle
on May 27, 1011 to wed the world’s ultimate romantic, a Renaissance man who
gives her joy, love, and respect every day: Pete D’Alessandro. Alison today is
a talented writer pursuing her dreams in Hollywood.
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